I knew I'd lose you.

one.

season 4 is over.

in the semi-finals, Yan Rujing lost one vote.

she looked up and waited for the data on the screen. The next second, her eyes turned red, but she didn't know where to put her eyes.

runner-up in the first season and second runner-up in the second season.

in the third season, I was afraid to vote and missed the final by one vote.

"everyone says you play well, but you always lose."

everyone praises her progress and hard work, but in so many years of competition, she is always second.

after the game, Yan Rujing said something particularly distressing to me, "I knew it, I knew I couldn't win."

I often hear this sentence, and the speaker seems to think that this is the doomed end.

it's just that there is a trace of reluctance and a lot of helplessness behind it.

many people have cared about something too good to be possible, and they can't help laughing at themselves at the moment the results are announced, pretending that this is the ending they know.

two.

I can often see the shadow of ordinary people in Yan Rujing.

she is not a powerful queen like Ma Weiwei, nor is she Huang Jian, a mastermind, much less a maverick like Xiao.

throwing her into the street won't attract other people's attention.

in that group of strange flowers, she is actually a bit ordinary.

but that's why, every time she gets excited because of a debate, and every time her eyes turn red because she loses, I'm particularly touched.

ordinary people also have something they care about madly.

and ordinary people have things that they care about but can't get.

"I knew I couldn't win."

"I knew he wouldn't like me."

"I knew what I couldn't get back."

We will keep working hard for the people we care about and what we care about.

so Rujing prepares five manuscripts for a 20-minute rebuttal. She likes to debate until she pays for the competition and cries secretly if she loses.

it was only the fourth year, but she still failed to win the championship.

it's like the lyrics in Zhang Xuan's about I Love you: "those you hug don't always hug you".

there are some things that have nothing to do with care or effort.

three.

I have been wondering why we are so bitter about the result that I already know.

later I gave an answer: when people care too much about something, they will unconsciously imagine what it looks like to lose it.

I've met some people who are a little pessimistic about relationships.

halfway through the drink, he said, "I'm very happy tonight, because I may never see you again."

on the third day of our long separation, she said, "I hope we can still be friends after we are separated."

I ask people who say good night to me every night: "have you ever thought that we might not be in touch after a month or two because of the distance?"

it's not that the people who say these words don't want to keep going, but in all the separations in the past, they are gradually afraid of the phrase "what you hug doesn't always hug you."

the more they care, the more they force themselves to get used to the possible bad ending over and over again, thinking it will make them feel better.

but then the guy never said good night to me again, we lost touch, and I couldn't sleep the night I realized it.

Rujing also comforted herself that "there is no distinction between the left and the right in life," but she could not help crying at the moment of the result.

when the end of knowing the answer comes, even if you are psychologically prepared, you can't help but feel sad.

four.

some people resist the word "pessimistic". They say why not be optimistic, believe, work hard, and live a more positive life.

but those who are pessimistic, those who "already know the results" are more likely to cherish and be happy.

because I will definitely want to do something more before that result comes.

I may not say I miss you again, but downstairs.

Get set to buy a stunning ball gown in navy blue for prom and be the centre of attention. Our newest arrivals are waiting for you!

I may also be very rogue to drag you not to let you go.

I will really try to remember you a little bit.

until now, I remember the last time I said goodbye, she was wearing a red sweater, and I took a picture of her for the first and last time that day.

until now, the song "to the belated you" that I shared when I met her in my moments is still there.

although this song and those photos have been difficult for me to get through for a long time, I am very satisfied, at least for such an important period of time, I did not forget everything because the ending was not good enough.

finally.

Cai Kangyong later comforted Yan Rujing: "our life is a process of accumulating good stories." If you really want to lose, you only have one vote, because it's a good story. "

this sentence may be difficult to comfort Yan Rujing, but it moves me a little.

another lyric in about I Love you is, "all I have is a fluke, all I lose is my life".

many people are moved by this sentence because when we look back, we find that many things seem to have a sense of "doomed".

the really good story is not that we are meant to be together.

but I knew I would lose you, but I still choose to like you.

this is life. Good night.